lilybart: (Default)
Reading Virginia Woolf - reading her fiction, reading her diaries - I get it. Lily Briscoe thinks of the structure of her painting like a mantra (like a prayer) and I get it. "I am frightfully contented these last few days, by the way. I don't quite understand it." I think I wrote that earlier this month. It's strange and terrifying and comforting in all the ways that loving Sylvia Plath was and is.

I had this long, delicious conversation with a professor this morning about how to live in the world. How to know things, believe things, understand things and still live in the world. I think it might be a choice. I'm going back on Thursday to continue the conversation and am sort of kind of compiling a list of all the things that I still have left to learn before this three semester relationship fades away. So much. (I miss her already.)

It snowed today. Really, truly snowed. It's beautiful and it's my favorite. Happy.

I have this really unbelievably healthy, functional friendship with my best friend right now. She is one of those solid, real things in my life and I just feel so supremely lucky.

I'm cautiously hopeful. I'm content; I don't quite understand it.
lilybart: (Default)
I'm getting back that part of me that just really believes in things and people.

I didn't even know it was missing.

I'm taking a year or two off to get that back together and to relocate with my best friends and to read and just think. Also, I just really want to soak up these last few months as an undergrad. I want to work on my thesis, teach my class, go to parties and drink gin, figure out if I'm going to make a go of things with b., sit on the diag with my friend while she chain smokes (and, when it gets cold, rendez-vous at Rendez-vous), pick produce, buy a soy milk maker, go to a football game - maybe even the one against OSU, watch the Woody Allen ouvre, stop using words like "ouvre," and write the next great American novel. (One of these things is a lie.)

My brain is already churning on how I'm going to spend the year or two post grad and, oh, it's fantastic! I'm going to do something good for the world. Something that I would burn out on if I had to do it for the rest of my life but something that I need to get out of my system before I do that thing that's good for my soul.

And, best part, I'm going to live like a real person in the real world.

I've never been more terrified in my life.

I'm so excited.

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lilybart

November 2011

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